


5 times Simon pretended to be asleep plus the one time he didn’t

by annhamilton



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 5+1, Fluff and Angst, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-30
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-05-16 04:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14804549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annhamilton/pseuds/annhamilton
Summary: Look at the title(Aka the 5 time Jace talked to a fake sleeping Simon and then one time Simon didn't pretend and told Jace he heard what he said and has some confessions of his own)





	1. Chapter 1

Simon Lewis had never really been good at sneaking around, spying, eavesdropping through doors he always made to much noise or knocked something over. So how did he get information on his sister and mothers beef and other things? Well, he would fake sleep.

Over the course of his life, Simon had perfected this trick. So much his parents think he can fall asleep anywhere and is a deep sleeper. Simon had never meant to use this tactic on Jace. His shadowhunter boyfriend always came home late to their shared apartment from Praetor Lupus and shadowhunter money. A few gigs Simon got also helps.

It was like two in the morning and Simon couldn’t sleep without Jace. So when he walked into the apartment Simon shut his eyes not wanting Jace to know he was so needy. Jace slid into the bed and Simon laid still and steadied his breathing old habits die hard right. He felt Jace take his hand and bring it to his lips. “I’m glad you’re asleep, I want you to get your sleep and waiting up for me well” Jace kissed his knuckles. “Well, it’s the opposite of getting a good night’s sleep.”

Jace was silent for a good minute and Simon started to drift off to sleep as Jace laid next to him a comforting presence for Simon. “I think you’re the one Simon” His hand traced runes into Simons skin. “Nephilim loves fiercely and only once,” He paused and traced an unfamiliar complex rune, a half circle with swirls in it . “I love you so much Simon, I want to marry you.”

It took all of Simon’s self-control not to gasp or do anything else and Simon felt Jace’s arms wrap around him spooning him and pressing a feather light kiss on his neck. “Valentine warned me against love, he said it would destroy me and I would destroy who I loved” Jace tensed for a moment just thinking of the monster who raised him. Simon knew it was a terrible thing for Jace to think about a montage of all the terrible things and pain he brought was playing in Jace’s head right now. “I know this love will destroy me I’d die for you, I’d kill for you, and I’d do anything for you. But I’ll be damned if I let anything happen to you.”

Jace kissed his neck again and Simon was stunned they had been dating for a few months and had said I love you before but this confession left Simon’s brain spinning. He loved Jace but the tone of of his voice the passion, the words all of it left Simon reeling. He’d never been loved romantically like this like Jace loves him. He’s never loved like this before and what should he do with Jace’s confession?

“I want to be yours, you to be mine I want to marry you in gold” Jace traced that half circle rune on is hand and Simon remembered the words at Alec and Lydia’s wedding. ‘A rune on the hand a rune, a rune on the heart a union is born’ was this the wedding rune he was tracing? Simon mind was still running a mile a minute and Jace was still talking. “I know I can’t but I want to etch the rune is your skin” Jace whispered into his ear and Simon suppressed a shudder he couldn’t blow this he was past the point of no return.  

“I like that you’re not shadowhunter, shadowhunters are mostly the same values,shadowhunters also are constantly putting themselves in danger I want to keep you away from it. I know you’re a vampire and that dangerous but it just want to keep you safe physically and mentally” he was silent for 286 seconds not that Simon was counting.  

Once Simon’s second counting reached 600 he stopped counting. 600 seconds of silence surely  meant that Jace’s musings were done. The eavesdropping felt intrusive for once and even though Jace was talking to him he shouldn’t have been awake to hear. He had questions so many questions. Did he want to marry Jace? Was it still too early in their relationships right? Would he kill for Jace? What would he do for Jace? What would Jace do for him? Did he want to be a shadowhunter? Did Jace really not want to be with a shadowhunter and be with a nerdy mundane turned vampire/daylighter?

Simon tried to clear his mind thoughts of star wars and his favorite songs filled his mind and he almost drifted off. Jace started drawing runes on his skin again he remembered his words from their first night together.

_“What are you drawing?” Simon question he laid against Jace’s chest. Jace had an arm warped around and was tracing foreign shapes on Simons arm._

_“Runes” Jace started tracing them bigger listing off the names. “Protection, strength, iratze, awareness, night vision, stealth, deflect”_

_“Why?” Simon asked._

_“It calms me.” Jace answered, Simon hummed in response. “Runes mean so many things Simon I just, maybe it’s a shadowhunter thing”_

_“Maybe” Simon drew  the only rune he knew the angelic power on Jace’s chest. Then Simon started tracing the runes already on Jace’s skin, his finger gentle on the runes because they were burn marks. “It is calming though, for what it’s worth”_

Simon started to think of memories, star wars and marvel marathons and cooking washing the dishes and getting into a fight with the suds. Jace picking him you up from behind and laying him out on the table kissing him for valentine’s day after patrol. Dancing to ‘The Way You Look Tonight’, Jace dipping him after. Their first time  kissing, their first time having sex a night of laughter and passion. Simon remembered picking Jace up throwing him on the couch and straddling him pulling him into kisses.

He remembered the how nervous Jace was when he ask to move in. He remembered stolen kisses a chessy kiss in the rain a good morning kiss. A time when Jace came running back in and kissed Simon like his life depended on it saying he forgot.  Simon remembered waking up to breakfast he remembered Jace playing the piano for him. He remembered the look on Jace ‘s face when he brought in the piano that had been sitting in his house unused for years since his grandma passed and she loved it so much they didn’t want to get rid of it. He remembered the first I love yous. Simon fell asleep to happy memories the questions not forgotten but simply pushed to the back of his mind.    


	2. Chapter 2

It had been a whole day before Simon fake slept again. Jace came home at a little past midnight and Simon was ready to say hi, but well he wanted to hear what Jace had to say shit this was bad. Jace was silent for a few minutes. “I’m scared to sleep” Jace held Simon’s hand Simon almost said something. “I’m so scared to see to relive ” Jace hid his head in Simon’s neck. “I like knowing you can sleep it’s so much better than any comfort you can give me” Simon remembered holding Jace trying to calm and comfort him. And with that statement he knew he had to keep this up tonight.   
  
“I draw runes on you to protect you” Jace kissed his neck. “I can’t sleep without you I need to know you’re okay, after I watch you die.” Jace sounded so helpless. “I need to know you’re asleep before I fall asleep. I know how terrible thoughts can keep people up” Simon knew this was the best way to comfort him. “I don’t think I could survive your death it would kill me I would kill me”    
  
There was silence and it ate away at Simon did he make the right choice to fake sleep. “I got you a ring I know it’s a mundane thing” Jace paused. “It’s gold with diamonds on it if I die before I can marry it in my will” Jace had a will? “Simon Wayland, sounds so right I hope I can hear you say it before I die” Jace took a deep breath. “I am having it engraved with runes to protect you. I looked it up it said an average of three years” Jace laughed lightly. “I can wait I can wait forever for you.”   
  
“I scares me I can’t sleep alone I can’t be without you,” Jace said. Simon was still shocked a ring. A ring. A RING. Simon was shaken and had a million more question. “I need you so much more than you need me and that terrifies me.” Simon wanted to scream he needed Jace to. “I keep seeing Valentine and I can’t calm down I keep seeing him only you can calm me down” Jace voice wavered and his hand tightened on Simon.   
  
“I keep seeing me freezing up you dying it being my fault. It’s always my fault” Jace moved them so that Simon was tucked against his side and his head on Jace’s chest, hand hold Jace’s. “I know I should end this I should stop before this breaks me and I break you” Jace kissed the top of his head. “I should save you the pain it’s selfish for me to keep you to need you so much. It’s so selfish. So selfish I’m so selfish.”   
  
There was silence and it was deafening with the words Jace said hanging in the air. His words written in neon lights that Simon couldn’t ignore. His tone almost begging played in his ears the desperation scraping his ears. Jace pleading with him, life, fate god, the angels, anyone who would listen. Simon could hear Jace’s heart beating and felt Jace adjust his hand to feel Simon’s pulse out of habit but there was nothing there no calming beat for him to feel and the breath he took almost made Simon cry.   
  
“I can’t see you get hurt. I don’t want you to see me get hurt” Jace kissed the back of Simon’s hand and then just held it against his chin. “I’m so selfish” Jace moved their hands down. “You’re going to die for good and it going to be my fault. It’s always my fault Gabriel, the Herondales, the downworlders all the shadowhunters that died because I didn’t kill him.” Gabriel brought back a memory.   
  
_ “I had a bird” Jace said after Simon asked if he had any pets. They sat on the couch watching some sitcom where a character had gotten a bird. _ __  
__  
_ “What was his name?” Simon paused the T.V and looked at Jace his doe eyes staring into Jace.  _ __  
__  
_ “Gabriel; the messenger for god” Jace stumbled over his words a little. _ __  
__  
_ “Cool what happened to him?” Simon eyes winded and moved to correct himself “I just mean did he fly away like the little girls will sorry for spoiling I just I’ve already watched this episode” _ __  
__  
_ “Valentine killed him” _ __  
__  
_ “What” _ __  
__  
_ “Snapped his neck, Simon” _ __  
__  
_ “Wha, what, why?” _ __  
__  
_ “It was a lesson, Simon?” _ __  
__  
__ “What kind of lesson”   
  
“I was to train the bird but I earned his trust first and he listened to me because he trusted me not out of fear, but I was to train the bird not love it, Simon. To love is to destroy and to that be loves to be destroyed, was the lesson”   
  
“That’s that, terrible”   
  
“I know”   
  
It stung Simon to think of Jace’s childhood that abuser, and monster convinced him that everything was his fault and that scar lasted longer than any of the physical ones. “I don’t want him to kill you.”    
  
Silence   
  
“I don’t want to kill you” Jace’s voice was the lightest of whispers, the tiniest of voices. A plea as is Jace held a knife to him, and had to push it through. “I don’t want to kill. I don’t want to. I don’t please I can’t” Jace tightened his arm around Simon. “I can’t, I can’t, I can’t, I can’t,” The mantra fell from Jace’s lips and until he pressed them to the side of Simon’s head Simon felt his lips quiver and his body shake.    
  
Remember he wants you safe and asleep and in a happy dream he tried to convince himself.  Repeating it in his own mantra, trying to convince himself. Jace’s quivers slowed down his body still tensing up. “I love you, I love you, I love you, love you, love you, love you, love you, love you,” The mantra turned to “I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, I need you, need you, need, you, need you” Jace was out of breath and his heart beating a mile a minute.   
  
They laid there Jace fell silent and Simon listened to the heart beat concerned until it slowed down. Jace started to regulate his breathing. Simon listened and listened till Jace seemed calm and listened some more after that. He listened until he heard soft snores from the shadowhunter. He moved to hold Jace. He held Jace to his chest. He held Jace in his cold dead arms to try and bring comfort. He held Jace to hide him. He held Jace to protect him. He held Jace to assure him their safe. Actions speak louder than words after all

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Jace finding Simon asleep to bring him comfort thing is from my Grandfather (who served in the military) and Grandmother.


	3. Chapter 3

Simon was still pondering his decision not to say anything last night, he tossed and turned and stared at the ceiling. Waiting for Jace to come home was always a pain his head filled with worry, and wondering if his shadowhunter was okay and safe.

 Then at 3:15 the door opened and Jace was silent as possible taking off his shoes and coat. He walked into the open door of the bedroom he kissed Simon’s head and went to pull away but Simon grabbed the shadowhunters shirt and pulled him in for a proper kiss. Simon clung to Jace wrapping his legs around him and pulling him even closer.

 Jace pressed kisses into Simon’s neck, “I’m okay” he muttered. “I’m okay” he repeated. Simon still clung to him, he knew Jace was okay but he still hung on to him comforting them both. “Simon, what happened?” Simon was still shocked by the call his sister called him and left a message. She said that their last living grandparent had died. Simon knew it would happen eventually she smoked and had COPD, back problems and it just took a toll on her body.

 “My grandma she-“Simon started crying the gravity of the situation truly hitting him, she never really went out of the house and watched ‘Murder she wrote’ and the discovery channel and was the best listener. “She died this morning I-” Simon sobbed into Jace’s shoulder. “I know it pathetic and you lost you-“

 “Hey, hey, Si, shh listen to me” Jace soothed, and ran his thumb over Simon’s jaw. “It’s not pathetic at all” Jace took Simon’s hand in his own, and started guiding it to trace his runes, gently leading Simon’s hand over the raised up flesh, knowing it calms him. “See I’m here. You’ll make it through, it okay to be sad and grieve. It’s okay.”  

 “’I'm gonna be alone gonna be alone and I just I can’t I don’t I’m not as strong as Magnus.” Simon closed his eyes. “I not strong enough. I’m immortal I’ll have to. I can’t I just can’t.” Simon started to sob, and he could hardly breathe. “I-. I-. I-“He tried to say between breaths and sobs. “I’m going to have. I’m. People will die and I’ll have to live. I can’t do it. Jace, I won’t.”

 “Shh Simon, you won’t be alone,” Jace said and Simon shook his head. “You can make more friends have more loves.  You won’t be able to replace your family but you can still be happy after loss” Jace continued but Simon just shook his head again. “I know. I know, it will get better you just have to let it.”

 “I want to grow old. And, and, I never wanted this-“Simon desperately whispered his voice broken. “I hate this life. I hate it. I hate the shadoworld I hate it.” Simon’s voice rose and tone became harsher. “I hate being a vampire. I hate being immortal. I hate the whole shadoworld. I hate valentine for starting the whole thing. I hate Clary for dragging me into this. I hate Camille. I hate her.” Simon loved Clary but part of him despises her for this.

 “I know” was all Jace said. Simon realized he just insulted his entire world. Jace kissed him and pored every inch of his soul into the kiss telling Simon he loved him. He understood. Jace put Simon’s hand on his heart, he knows Simon likes to listen to it.

 They lay like that for a while the minutes ticking past Jace mistakes his silence for sleep and his stillness for slumber. When in truth Simon is tired, but his mind won’t rest so he did the one tip he knew to pretend to sleep and soon you will be asleep. “I want to die first so I won’t lose you” the whispered words take Simon by storm. “You’re the stronger one.”

 

_“You’re my sidekick,” Simon said._

 

_“I know”_

 

_“Really, you don’t want to be the hero, the main guy?”_

 

_“I do but you’re my hero. You have so much strength, no runes no angelic help. Raised a mundane you’re not good because of the clave you’re good because of who you are” Jace had said Simon almost forgot it._

 

“You should hate me. I dragged both of you in this” Jace was quiet for a few moments. “You should be able to leave you definitely deserve it,” Jace said. “You have every right to hate me but you don’t. You’re too good for the downworld to have you, for the clave too. Too good for the Nephilim to use, too good for this world.” Jace kissed his forehead and seemed to settle in for the night before one final confession. “I hate the shadoworld too”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think Jace loves being a shadowhunter but hates need for them and the darkness that exists that hurts so many. Also my grandma’s still alive and I love her but I needed some bad stuff to happen and all the things I said about Simon’s grandma mine does. Thank you so much for reading this, I know it’s a short chapter but, I felt like less was more, and if you didn’t know than the italics are a flashbacks.


	4. Chapter 4

The next time Simon pretended to sleep was after a fight. 

He forgot what they were even fighting about. There was yelling and bitter words. It escalated to point of tears.

The topic changed a few times.

The shame raised as he laid in bed thinking about it. 

He heard the door open and he knew it was Jace.

He didn't care. Or at least that's what he told himself. 

He didn't care as Jace stiffed a sob.

"I'm sorry."

Simon wanted to sleep. He wanted to forget.

"Si, I'm so sorry."

Simon wanted to sleep.

"I love you."

"I never meant to make you upset. You were right."

"You were so right."

Silence 

Simon felt a tear escape his eye but the darkness hid it.

"I hate fighting with you, love."

"Si, are you awake, can I touch you."

Simon's anxiety ran wild, he messed up. Jace was going to leave him.

"I love you."

Simon loved him too, so much but he stayed silent. The fight took so much out of him. He just fell asleep crying silently.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter and if you have any suggestions please share them. Love, Ann007


	5. Chapter 5

Simon has had bouts with insomnia, in the past. He's lied in bed pondering existence itself to why a table was called a table. 

He remembers when he was eight and wondering why he couldn't fall asleep. No matter how long he kept his eyes closed and counted sheep.

In middle and high school he'd work himself to exhaustion relying on only sheer will power and coffee.

Now that he was a creature of death sleep wasn't as necessary, but if you wanted to function properly and think straight you'd get your eight hours a night.

Simon knew Jace worried, despite the shadowhunters bad habits he always made sure Simon was in tip-top shape.

Simon was thankful for that, his mother always used to check in on him during the night to see if he was asleep— or on his phone— so to make his mother worry less he would close his eyes and pretend.

It's gotten better over the years, especially the last two falling asleep with Jace.

So here's the problem Jace has been away for three days, just guess how long Simon had been awake for. Guess. Really give it your best shot.

_ One?  _ No 

_ Two?  _ Negative

_ Three?  _ Ding! Ding! Ding!  Correct.

This wasn't just  _ oh I can't sleep without my boyfriend  _ This was I can't sleep because of the stress and stress didn't help his insomnia And no matter how tired he got….

Where was he right, no matter how tired he got… he just could not even come close to sleep.

Why…..

Why??  

Right stress. Ya know singing and getting gigs and it's was the holidays and family. He was a daylighter so why couldn't he see them. 

Oh right he told them he was dead. His poor Mom and sister who for her own good had to forget to.

He hates Lilith and Heidi. He hates what she made him do.  He's glad they put Sebastian in the ground and Lilith scattered in the wind. 

The most satisfying was Heidi arrested with the higher security and clearance to kill her for good if she tried anything.

He knew he had Clary and Jace but his family was without him and… why was he stressed.

Right what to get his perfect boyfriend who had all he wanted.

But his family took up his mind, memories, and guilt….

He welcomed Jace home with kisses.

Jace asked questions to “have you been sleeping I couldn't call from Idris to check in, have you been stressed, anxiety?”

Simon ducked his head in Jace’s shoulder “yes.” He lied. 

“With the holidays and everything.”

“Yes, I’m good.” Simon kissed Jace’s neck and slipped his hands under Jaces’ shirt.

“Babe, I am just worried I know—”

Simon sucked a mark onto Jaces’ neck, “Jace I've missed you but let's catch up another way.”

“Love, I know how you get.” Jace’s hand moved from his neck to Simon’s waist. He pulled Simon.closer, “if your tired and don't want to we can—”

“I'm not tired,” Simon lied. Simon rolled his hips, Jace tightened his hold.

(Time skip cause ya know I can't write smut yet and it would be unnecessary)

Simon closed his eyes and hopped sleep would come, Jace was spooning him enveloping him in comfort.

“I’m glad you're alright, I know when you get stressed you sleep less.”

Damn, Jace thought he was asleep. Damn he was worried. Damn Jace knew him so well. And Fucking Damnit he was relieved.

Simon knew he bad to keep the charade up.

“I can't even imagine what your going through, I know Lilith made her do it, but I want to kill Heidi.”

Wow, that was a thing, wow he's tired. 

“After all she did to you, angel, I wouldn’t hesitate.”

Damn that was another  _ disturbing? thing to say _ . God he needed to use the sleep. Go to sleep

“I’ll never be able to un-see you on that rooftop,” Jace took a deep breath “how sad you looked,”

Simon would never forget that or how finding Clary brought them so much closer.

“I remember our first kiss, how worried you were how worried I was. How despite everything you kept going. You kept me going.” Jace traced what Simon recognized as the wedding rune on Simon’s hip.

“I love you so much more than I thought was ever possible.”

Simon’s heart swelled and he didn’t fall asleep because he was to tired.

He pondered all this fake sleeping all this  _ sleep overhearing  _  he was going to tell Jace next time he promised himself. 


	6. Chapter 6

Simon kept his eyes open as Jace came back from a late patrol. He even sat up.

He heard Jace move about the apartment. He distantly listened to all the sounds.

The door opened and Jace looked surprised to see him up. There was  _ ichor  _ in his hair and specks of dirt and grime on his face.

“Simon, are you okay?” Jace asked instantly because that just who he his.

“Ya, ya,”  Simon said. Jace bent over and kissed him. “I’ll be even better if you go take a shower, then we can continue this. If ya know what I mean.”

Jace chuckles and kisses Simon again. “Do I smell?”

“Like sweat and demon, not very smexy.” Simon playfully shoved Jace away.

Jace smiled and kissed Simon’s check. “Get some sleep.”

With that, he left to take a shower.

Simon suddenly wanted to tell Jace that he had been eavesdropping maybe  _ fake sleeping and listening to you pour your heart out, _ worked better.

You see Simon could  _ kind of  _ keep a secret. He could lie but it depended on the gravity of the situation. Clary was his go-to but this was too personal. He just  _ has  _ to tell Jace.

_ He has too _ .

_ Does he though? _

Jace entered the room, Simon was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't even hear the shower turn off.

“I think I need to tell you something.” Simon scraps the dried up bits on his lower lip, nervously.

“What is it,” Jace held out his hand and Simon took it. “Bad news?”

“No.” Simon shook his head in emphasizes. “But I'm not sure its good. I kind of did something.”

“Was it illegal?”

“No, no, no. I um I, it's so you see it all started when um you came back from patrol and um. Well, it was like early in the morning so I um I pretended to sleep. You started talking and I felt so invasive but I didn't say anything cause you were telling me things.”

_ Silence _

“And I want to marry you too. And I'm sorry please say something.”

Jace reached under his collar and lifted the chain off his neck. “I’m not mad Si, I understand I know what I’ve said.”

“Jace you should be mad.”

“But in a way, I wanted you to hear what I said.” Jace held out his family ring. “Do you know how shadowhunters propose?” Jace dropped to one knee.

Simon didn't move.

Jace continued “They give their family ring up give it to their beloved.” Jace smiled up at him. “I know a downwolder has never married a shadowhunter, I still want to be more than just your boyfriend I want to promise you I’ll be here. I committed no matter what your anxiety tells you or anything else.”

Simon slid off the bed and dropped to his knees by Jace. “You are proposing to me, right?”

“By the angel Simon, yes.”

Simon pulled Jace into a kiss. “Yes.”

Jace put the ring on his finger and kissed his hand. Both of them had ridiculous smiles plastered on their faces.

They laughed and kissed some more and did some celebratory (smexy) things.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the best things I’ve written, and I had to throw in some fluff at the end. So what did you think thoughts comments suggestions are all welcome. And as always all grammar and spelling mistakes are mine and please point them out, and constructive criticism is always welcome. Also don’t expect a schedule but i write 1,000 words everyday so it should be done by friday next week at the latest


End file.
